So here I am, staring at the haunted fish tank trying to come up with imaginative new ways of presenting the road to the Boat Race. I want to say that one morning we were gathered off our rowing machines and whisked away by scantily clad beauties who bathed us in milk and honey and even washed between our toes. I would also love to say that when we were in the middle of rowing through the tideway swell that our coaches told us to take it easy, swim to the shore and head to Antigua to drink gin, but I can’t! It’s the same old story my enthralled readers, the ergo still hurts, water is still wet and this cold spell from Russia is in the middle of rearing its ugly head.

On the other hand, the boat is starting to go fast, the team is starting to acquire the levels of cohesion and mutual understanding that we will need on the day and my guns are getting ever so slightly bigger. These points are the most important and it is the increased amount of good water outings we are putting away and the rise in obscene banter in the bus rides back from the boat house that are indicative of two eights starting to feel the excitement of what is rapidly emerging from around the corner.

We have just finished another section of hard training and this week we are at a slightly lower level of work in order to taper effectively for the first of the fixtures that take place this weekend. Isis host a good crew from Poland while the Blue Boat engage with a crew from the United States. This crew will be comprised with individuals from the National team, cue: Olympic and World Championship Gold Medals, legs the size of Liverpool as well as two Old blues from last years crew who are, without doubt, keen to do over their old club along with their Yankee Doodle ‘America, f**k yeah!’ chums. It will be a great test for us against such a formidable crew and (as you can imagine) we are all very keen to send them home with their tails between their legs.